Delta

Well, this morning I was thinking that this blog thing could become addictive...and tonight, I find myself almost forcing words out of my hands onto this screen. I guess emotions, opinions and feelings can change a lot...sometimes very quickly. I've noticed other changes in me throughout this day as well. Changes in emotions and feelings. For the past week, I've been sure of the way I feel about one particular thing. I've remained strong and absolutely convinced about my feeling, and I've been truly enjoying what I'm living right now. However, this afternoon, I started feeling a little different. I don't know, something inside of me questions my feelings. This is not uncommon for me...some people say I overanalyze things...I don't think I OVER analyze things, I just see it as being cautious about the choices I make in life, so that I can look back without any regrets. Although I woke up this morning thinking that I could not possibly get more disappointed than I am about someone, and I was totally getting it out of my mind and not expecting the slightest effort at all, later today I find myself looking for that attention. I know I'm not thinking right...I know that my feeling this morning was a lot more organized and made a whole lot more sense...especially because of some things that reassure me that this just can't work. It's the way that this person feels about someone else. That cannot change, no matter how much I get myself into this denial mode. Anyway, enough of that...I'm rambling about nonsense and confusing myself even more. I just watched a movie and a half. The half was "Playing by heart"...I only saw scattered parts and missed most of the movie, but the parts I saw made me think and also made me a bit sad. I would like to watch it again because I would like to connect the pieces of the message together...I also saw, from beginning to end, "The wedding planner". It was ok...interesting and annoying sometimes...but in the end it made me think that it's a very good thing that I'm taking time for myself and not rushing into things. All these romantic movies make me dream about my future...which may be the cause of my troubles...my expectations are probably higher than they should be...but why should I not dare to dream? I have only one life to live, and I need to be happy and enjoy every second of it. I need to MAKE it happy...for myself...so that I can make others happy as well. I have plenty of time to figure things out, and I should not be wasting my beautiful young years worrying about the future or even the present or the past. I appreciate the way I am right now. I don't need to have a person to share my life with, now or ever...If someone happens to cross my way someday and some miracle happens to convince me that I want to share my life with that person, then so be it...but for now, I'm going to walk alone...with God, with my family, my friends and my cats :-) I will go where I'm supposed to go and I will really try to stop worrying about what I do. In some way, I feel like I'm learning how to manage my stress again...