Under one roof...

Alright, since my last entry, I've had ups and downs...I've gone to crazyness and normality several times...and now I feel like writing a bit. I have two good things to report for the day: I had dinner with a group of friends and I went to the infirmary and got medication for an ugly thing on my left leg...very painful.

So...they're testing what the leg thing may be...it seems to be varicella zoster (the same virus that causes chickenpox)...the way it works is that, when we get chickenpox, this virus never leaves our body...it stays in our nerves but dormant...until something awakens it...one such awakener may be stress, emotional stress...which I believe is my case. So, another name for this nasty thing is shingles...not that I want to tell the whole world that I have a nasty rash on my leg and it's spreading, but hey, I'm a scientist and I find this interesting too. It started about 5 or 6 days ago...it was just pain/soreness on my skin on 2 spots on the leg...as if I was going to develop a bruise from hitting myself (I had hit my leg really hard like 2 or 3 days before then, but this seemed like a very slow reaction to that...in any case, I accepted it as a bruise forming). The next day, my pain had spread to about 3 other spots...and the day after that, I saw a rash on the first couple of spots...the following day, the rash had spread to those other new spots, and this thing is just invading my leg now...but in spots. My left arm and left abdomen and back (the skin) have been a little sore lately too, but no rash has developed there (yet...and I hope it won't). So...I freaked out and went to the infirmary, because my insurance plan (Vista health plan) is no good...no one accepts it...so whatever, no real docs for me today...I went to the Shands grad-school infirmary yesterday and they told me that it was closed and they were only accepting resident med school students...how discriminating! Anyway, I went to the campus infirmary today and the doc that saw me was the one I usually see in the Shands infirmary, so that was nice...she's really nice and loves cats too :-) So, back to the point, all the nurses came to see my rash...apparently this phenomenon is uncommon among people younger than 50, but it can happen. The other doc (who also came to see the rash) recommended growing a culture of some of the little blisters that the rash formed (ew, I know, I know, ew)...so I'll know what it is (or not) next week...I still have to wait a week!! But they gave me medicine for the virus which is supposed to help. My parents are being really pushy for me to go to an acupuncturist...I'm not sure when they became so pushy about that, they've never even had acupuncture on themselves! I find it a little odd, but I might go try it...as long as they stop bugging me about it...It's not that I DON'T believe in it, I accept that maybe it works and maybe it doesn't, but I am a little hesitant/nervous cause I don't really understand HOW it works...I understand the nervous system and I don't see how puncturing a nerve is a good idea...but they say it works...is it just the placebo effect? Do you just have to be a believer? I might try it sometime...soon. Well, that was a highlight because it was interesting...now, onto the more normal highlight for a normal person:

I have 2 classmates (a year ahead of me) that live in my complex and we see each other at the bus stops and outside at lunch and chat and stuff...yesterday I was walking from the bus with one of them and he invited me to a soy/tofu competition that they were hosting at their place tonight...I don't like tofu, but I was willing to go give it a try...and see people and have fun, of course. So, before going, I felt like I didn't really belong (cause they meet with the same group of classmates always, and I was the newbie), but as soon as I got there, I felt really good. They are really very nice people. The girl is from Trinidad and he's American. I got there before anyone else did, so I got to talk to them for a bit and help them out set up some things (not really, they didn't have much to set up, but I offered, and I would have)...then everyone started to get there and it felt so nice to be included with them. I felt like I've won my territory and I haven't been kicked out of it :-D ...you know, because "we" have these friends in common and stuff...but he wasn't there...so even better :-P I felt like I had my power back...so it was good. They were talking about donating eggs and they were trying to convince me that I should do it (Peter was insisting a lot...of course, he doesn't have a clue if it hurts or not, so he assumes that it doesn't...and defends his assumption). It was funny...I was very happy to see some of these people and hang out with them. It was a nice evening overall...

Ok, now I'll report on my latest crazy feelings: I don't know what is up with me (or down), but I have been missing Mr. Careless lately. I even feel bad naming him that, but I don't want to write his name...too angry for that :-P In my disoriented and weird feelings, I've decided that I want to talk to him and get everything out of my system...BUT I do NOT want to be the one to approach him to talk...the thing is that I don't think he ever will come to talk to me or insist more than through a vague email suggesting that we could have a talk sometime...whatever...one second I'm ready to totally give up, the other second, I can't...I just can't...what is up with me?? This has been going on for about a week now (this wanting to talk to him). AAAAHHHHH!!!! It's so frustrating!! I keep pushing myself day by day to be patient until the next day...restraining myself from contacting him or sending him an IM...I've written many messages, but haven't sent any. Ok, my leg is starting to hurt inside...I think I'm going to stop writing now and go see what's up with that now. Thanks for reading :-) (I only have one viewer, and myself) :-) To my honored reader: See you soon!! :-D Can't wait!! :-)

Delta

Well, this morning I was thinking that this blog thing could become addictive...and tonight, I find myself almost forcing words out of my hands onto this screen. I guess emotions, opinions and feelings can change a lot...sometimes very quickly. I've noticed other changes in me throughout this day as well. Changes in emotions and feelings. For the past week, I've been sure of the way I feel about one particular thing. I've remained strong and absolutely convinced about my feeling, and I've been truly enjoying what I'm living right now. However, this afternoon, I started feeling a little different. I don't know, something inside of me questions my feelings. This is not uncommon for me...some people say I overanalyze things...I don't think I OVER analyze things, I just see it as being cautious about the choices I make in life, so that I can look back without any regrets. Although I woke up this morning thinking that I could not possibly get more disappointed than I am about someone, and I was totally getting it out of my mind and not expecting the slightest effort at all, later today I find myself looking for that attention. I know I'm not thinking right...I know that my feeling this morning was a lot more organized and made a whole lot more sense...especially because of some things that reassure me that this just can't work. It's the way that this person feels about someone else. That cannot change, no matter how much I get myself into this denial mode. Anyway, enough of that...I'm rambling about nonsense and confusing myself even more. I just watched a movie and a half. The half was "Playing by heart"...I only saw scattered parts and missed most of the movie, but the parts I saw made me think and also made me a bit sad. I would like to watch it again because I would like to connect the pieces of the message together...I also saw, from beginning to end, "The wedding planner". It was ok...interesting and annoying sometimes...but in the end it made me think that it's a very good thing that I'm taking time for myself and not rushing into things. All these romantic movies make me dream about my future...which may be the cause of my troubles...my expectations are probably higher than they should be...but why should I not dare to dream? I have only one life to live, and I need to be happy and enjoy every second of it. I need to MAKE it happy...for myself...so that I can make others happy as well. I have plenty of time to figure things out, and I should not be wasting my beautiful young years worrying about the future or even the present or the past. I appreciate the way I am right now. I don't need to have a person to share my life with, now or ever...If someone happens to cross my way someday and some miracle happens to convince me that I want to share my life with that person, then so be it...but for now, I'm going to walk alone...with God, with my family, my friends and my cats :-) I will go where I'm supposed to go and I will really try to stop worrying about what I do. In some way, I feel like I'm learning how to manage my stress again...

Alpha

Hello! Welcome! This is my first blog entry (and my first blog ever). I hope it is enjoyable for you and for me...we'll see how long I can keep this up. Ok...first story...something that happened to me today: I signed up the other day to volunteer at a fundraising ball to support a school for disabled children...I wrote it down on a sheet of paper that Wednesday at 5:30, I had to be there (the event started at 6:30). I did everything in lab quickly today so that I'd have time to go get my car in between and change at home quickly, but I ended up having to go back to lab for 15 minutes all dressed up and in heels (it was a semiformal thing). The wind messed up my hair a bit, but I didn't really care much at the time. After lab, I rushed to the Reitz parking lot and went searching for people in the ballrooms. I kept walking at a quick pace (as fast as I could with heels) from corner to corner, checking every door...thinking that maybe I was a bit early (it was already 5:30). Well...I couldn't find anybody, so I went to the computer lab to check my email to call the person in charge and ask her where in the world they were. I got her number and saved it on my phone so I could call her when I got out of the computer lab. I signed out of the email window but then I signed back on to see if it specified the location. Instead, I found the date of the event...June 17...so, I was early...3 days early...This kind of thing happens to me often, for some reason. I called my mom to tell her my story and give her a laugh...I told her, as I was walking out of the Reitz, that there was a free bowling event there, but I was wearing heels and was dressed up, so I'd have to go home and change before going there. This was also written on the little paper where I wrote what I had to do this week (just the ball and the bowling)...so...when I got home, I made sure to check it again...and I saw that the bowling is not today but on the 22nd (in 8 days)...where did I leave my brain today? I don't know...obviously. Well...I should go inform my friends abotu this blog, or else I will be the only one reading the things I write (which is ok too, since I have been wanting to start writing 2 or more "highlights of my day" since a couple of months ago...just for my own entertainment).